I came across the book Exactly what to say by Phil M. Jones, finished listening to it in 40 min and I loved it.
I think everyone will benefit from it.
Just imagine knowing exactly what to say in every situation?
Could be a sales conversation.
When you’re debating with someone.
When you’re trying to win friends and influence people.
The book is essentially a tactical playbook version of Influence by Robert Cialdini.
There are a certain set of words – Phil M Jones calls them “magic words” – that when humans hear them, we can’t help but respond and feel a specific way.
You’ll find that most in most cases, the goal of using any of these magic words is to help someone make a decision.
Here’s the cheatsheet of all the magic words mentioned in the book:
| Magic Words | Purpose | Description | Example |
|---|---|---|---|
| I’m not sure if it’s for you, but… | Introduce something to someone without fear of rejection | Put the positive thing after the “but”. Makes listener think “you might want to look at this” | “I’m not sure if it’s for you, but have you ever thought about trying yoga for relaxation?” |
| Open-minded | Introduce a new idea | Get people to support your idea because everyone wants to be open-minded | “How open-minded are you about trying a new restaurant this weekend?” |
| What do you know? | Overcome “I know best” mentality | Move other person’s position from one of certainty to one of doubt. | “What do you know about how things really work here?” |
| How would you feel if…? | Motivate people to make a decision | Create conditional future scenarios to get people to move toward the good news or away from the bad news. Greater contrast better. | “How would you feel if you got the promotion and moved to the new office?” |
| Just imagine… | Help someone make a decision first in their mind. | Helps the person picture a positive future or benefit. | “Just imagine the impact this would have.” |
| When would be a good time? | Makes scheduling easier. | Prompts the other person to assume that there will be a good time and that no is not an option. | “When would be a good time for us to speak next?” |
| I’m guessing you haven’t gotten around to… | Non-judgmental reminder. | Reminds someone of an unfinished task without sounding critical. | “I’m guessing you haven’t gotten around to finishing that book I lent you?” |
| Simple swaps (1/2) | To get closer to a decision and guaranteed answer | Turn an open question in to a closed one so that you avoid the dreaded “I need some time to think about…” | Instead of “Do you have any questions” at the end of a sales presentation, use “What questions do you have for me?” |
| Simple swaps (2/2) | Get additional information effortless | Ask for the answer without asking for permission | Instead of “can i have your [phone number]”, use “What’s the best number to contact you at?” |
| You have three options | Simplifies decision-making. | Presents clear choices with a favourable one as the last option. | “As I see it, you have three options: look for other solutions and [list struggles], stay exactly the same, or give this a try and [potential dream outcomes]. Of those 3 options, what is gonna be easier for you?” |
| Two types of people | Helps the person make their mind up | Present 2 polarising choices and make one of them stand out as the easy option | “There are two types of people in this word: those that judge something before trying, and those that try something and then judge based on their own experience” |
| I bet you’re a bit like me | Get other person to comfortably agree with you. | Build rapport and connection | “I bet you’re a bit like me and prefer a quiet evening over a loud party.” |
| If… then… | Sets up a logical conclusion. | Links an action to an outcome. | “If you don’t eat all your dinner, then you’re not getting any dessert.” |
| Don’t worry | Reassures and calms. | Alleviates concerns or fears. | “Don’t worry about the presentation, you’ll do great!” |
| Most people | Normalizes behavior or choices. | Shows that a behavior or decision is common. | “Most people find that starting their day with a workout boosts their energy levels.” |
| The good news is… | Provides positive information. | Shares an optimistic update or beneficial detail. | “The good news is that we’ve received approval for your project!” |
| What happens next is… | Clarifies the next steps. | Provides clear instructions. | “What happens next is you’ll receive an email with all the details to get started.” |
| What makes you say that? | Handle objections without being confrontational. | Respond with this question when they give an objection. | “I haven’t got the time” “What makes you say that?” |
| Before you make up your mind | Move someone from a “no” to “maybe” | Encourages consideration of additional information. | “Before you make up your mind, would you like to see some more options?” |
| If I can, will you? | Remove objections. | Respond to their objections with a powerful question that eliminates their argument. | “If I can pick you up and drop you off at home, then will you be able to be ready for seven pm?” |
| Enough | Make decision on quantity or level of service | Drive recipient to answer the direct question and “yes” becomes the easier option. | “Would 8 apples be enough for you?” |
| A favor | Get help. | Ask for help after someone says “thank you” to you because they feel they owe you something. | “Can I ask a favor?” And if you’re asking for a referral follow up with “You wouldn’t happen to know…” “… just one person…” “someone who, just like you…” “… would benefit from…” |
| Just one more thing | A down sell. So you don’t leave a conversation with nothing. | Introduces a final simple idea on your way out. | “Just one more thing, don’t forget to turn off the lights when you leave.” Other use cases: Asking them to sample a project. Asking them to commit to a small order. Inviting them to an event Introducing them to someone you think they should know Asking them to do something for you. |
| Just out of curiosity | Find their objection | Ask a direct question without sounding rude or obnoxious | “Just out of curiosity, what is it specifically you need some time to think about?” |
| Bonus: Because | Provides justification. | Offers a reason, making statements more persuasive. | “We need to leave early because the traffic will be heavy later.” |
I tested one of the magic word phrases on Kane:
Next morning, after Kane started the book, he sends me this:
I’m gonna try an incorporate these magic words in my day to day conversations.
Ethically of course!
p.s. I love “I’m guessing you haven’t gotten around to…” gonna be my go-to for supervisors – my phd homies can relate!
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